We talked about the segue toward the casual funeral pre-planning discussion with your family members.  Now how can we really get started on funeral pre-planning?

Well, many funeral homes have funeral planning guides.  These are quite intense. They help gather all the information about you and keep it nestled in one place. For instance, your particulars; family history; charities near and dear to you; people to notify; your funeral choices; even what you want to be buried with. Some include notes on 'things that matter to you', which are very helpful notes when preparing a eulogy.

This takes me back to my Grandmother’s eulogy by the cantor.  And during our discussion with him, we were laughing about her need to mix things up when cooking.  She used to mix 12 packets of different coloured gelatin and serve it after dinner. The end result was clear brown gelatin and not very appetizing to look at.  I have to tell you I almost dropped when he mentioned this tidbit at the ceremony!  My Grandmother now is in heaven dealing with the audacity that her grandchildren didn’t like her creativity in food preparation.

Just another reason to discuss and document! These planning guides that I am talking about are available at no charge.  To get one just contact one of the funeral homes in our distribution list and they will be happy to send one out with no obligation.

Next Blog, Funeral Director's are People

So last time I told you about my experience in a funeral home arranging a funeral.  As I began working at GFD, I found that my discussions with my own parents seemed to be drifting ever so quaintly toward what their final wishes are.  No consensus there yet. They have to iron out the details of the rituals, burial places etc..., but there is discussion.

These discussions are quite light-hearted but every couple of weeks the topic comes up and I listen intently about what they really want. 

Really the best thing to do is to have them sit down with a funeral director to discuss and document their wishes.  And no, pre-payment is not necessary.

In the our last talk we discussed how the barriers of final planning discussions drop when the topic is brought up casually.

I remember when my grandmother passed away and being a part of setting up her funeral. All the preparation…. All the choices upon choices… What funeral type... What type of casket… Who will do the eulogy… What charities to fund in lieu of flowers… The catering afterward… The bill!

I remember how things added up. I also remember having only one day to plan all of this. The endless discussions of what she ‘really’ would have wanted.  I am not sure if anyone really felt good about the decisions that were made on her behalf.

What was strangely ironic was the comment from my mother, ‘At least we didn’t have to worry about the place of burial.”  My grandmother pre-planned with the cemetery of her choice after my grandfather’s funeral close to 30 years ago.   Interesting, wouldn’t you say?

I had a conversation with our Executive Director one day.  The conversation started out with "Do you find that when you tell people about what you do for a living that there is an uneasy pause in the conversation and a furrowed looked on their face?"

I too was unaware of what pre-planning was when I first started here at GFD. So I humble myself to those I talk to outside of the funeral realm. 

But what is even more interesting is how comfortable people are when the subject of funeral planning arises. We start to have a very casual (sometime off-beat humorous) talk about a particular funeral that they planned for a loved one or even what they would like for their own funeral.  The wall seems to disappear and the taboo of talking about final planning fades away.

I was at a car dealership dropping my car off for its maintenance. The dealership van driver showed up to take me to work. He asked me what GFD is and what I do there? Skipping right over the surprised part of the conversation, I was amazed at how open the driver became about planning his mother's funeral. Then he began talking about his own wishes.

I probably will never see this person again, but in our 10 minute excursion I probably know more about his final wishes than my own parents.  

Stay tuned! We will explore many issues surrounding final planning.